 |
| Image Credit: www.shiftfrequency.com |
"Doubt whom you will, but never yourself." - Christian Nestell Bovee
Believing in oneself is an easy, but also, a very difficult thing to do. It is easy in the sense that it's all about the concerned individual. Nobody knows a man better than himself, therefore, such an individual can easily put confidence in his abilities, and go for whatever the target is.
On the other hand, to believe in oneself can really be very difficult if certain factors come into place. In such cases, no tangible result can be obtained from whatever is being done because without a strong believe in oneself, success will remain unachievable.
Today's discussion seeks to examine some of those factors that prevents a person from believing in himself or herself, and ways to deal with them.
Now, someone might probably ask: "are there really factors responsible for not believing in oneself? Is it not just a thing of the mind?" The answer to the first question is YES. There are factors that hinder a person from exhibiting that self-confidence needed in achieving success. Although I agree that it is a battle which must be won in the mind, yet one cannot secure that victory if the root factors that causes the lack of believe in oneself are not dealt with. They are the factors that stop a man with a brilliant idea from going about to make it a reality. They are the factors that make a student think that he or she cannot pass a difficult examination. They are the factors that make an athlete think that he cannot outdo the best athletes in the world.
Believe me, those factors, if not countered with the right mentality and action, can become quite potent enough to hinder a person from achieving his or her goal. Still wondering what such factors are? Let us now take a look into three of such limiting factors:
1. FEAR
According to the 7th edition of the Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, one of the meanings given to the noun "Fear" is the feeling that one has when something bad might happen.
It is that unpleasant feeling that a person develops in certain situations that leads to panic, fright, or just being afraid that something sinister might happen.
Many times in our various endeavours, we come to a point where we need to do a particular thing that will move us forward. It could be the desire to start a business, carry out a research, execute a project, apply for a job, sit for an examination, or even just make certain decisions in our daily lives; but then, a feeling grips us: "I don't want to do this, it's too risky. Oh! No, that path is too dangerous. No one has ever succeeded in doing it! I risk losing all my money! That course is too difficult, students hardly pass it. Etc."
Those are the kinds of statements we usually make when it comes to taking a step or making a decision that will propel us to a higher level. We tend to entertain negativity instead of staying positive,and this is usually as a result of fear which we have allowed in our mind.
Although the usual thoughts we would have when fear sets in can be said to come from the desire to stay safe, but the truth is that fear does not bring any safety. It only brings stagnation, retardation, shattering of dreams, and frustration. It limits our abilities and the greatness that is inside of us.
Now, let us go back to our definition of fear: "when something bad might happen." From this definition, it can be observed that the bad event has not yet happened, and it probably would NEVER happen. The word used in the definition is "might", which expresses possibility, but not CERTAINTY.
Also, there is this popular meaning given to the acronym F.E.A.R. It is said that FEAR means False Evidence Appearing Real. What can you pick out from that? It simply implies that fear is false! It is not true! It only appears to be real, it is not real! It is simply a psychological barrier on the way to success. Those bad things we usually fear might happen, in most cases never happen. Fear is just a feeling that arises from the mind and nothing more. Lucan said:
"Thus each person by his fears gives wing to rumour, and without any real source of apprehension, men fear what they themselves have imagined."
Although it is good to be cautious in whatever we do, we must not allow our CAUTION to turn to FEAR. We must learn to discern when that bad feeling of fear is about to overtake our mind, and give no room for it to dominate us.
However, in case you are the type who has already been gripped by fear, do not worry, you can break lose from its grip. You only need to remember that Fear is a false evidence that appears to be real. That which you are afraid of is actually not potent enough to stop you from moving forward only if you will stand up to confront it. Yes! Confront your fear. Rise up to do that which you have always been afraid to do. Take a bold step, take the second one, take the third, and move on without turning back. You are sure to see your fear disappear into thin air.
2. LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Another important factor to consider when talking about what causes you not to believe in yourself is low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is when a person begins to feel unhappy with himself, his abilities, characters, physical appearance, etc., and thereby does not place much value on himself. In other words, it is when there is a decreased sense of self-worth in a person.
I know that this is probably not the first time you are coming across a discussion on self-esteem, but you might probably be wondering: what really is the cause of a low self-esteem?
The causes of a low self-esteem differs from one person to another. For some, it could be the desire to be like others in one way or another. For example, when a person begins to complain about his or her height or size: "I'm just too short, I really wish I could be as tall as Dan"; or "Oh! I'm too fat, I need to lose some weight. I want to be slim like Lizzy". Such dissatisfaction in individuals could over time lead to a low self-esteem as they might feel intimidated or just unhappy anytime they see those people they want to be like.
In some other cases, a low self-esteem could be as a result of a past failure or what someone has said or done to the concerned individual in the past, which has now made such a person lose confidence in himself or his abilities. When such happens, it creates anxiety and fear in the mind of the person concerned anytime he attempts to do that same thing in which he initially failed. In the case of those whose self-esteem was brought low due to what someone said, they would usually find themselves remembering those words which were said by the person, and would not want to tread the same path again in order for somebody else not to say similar things to them.
However, there is a fact which must be noted: an individual who does not place personal value, self-respect, and self-worth on himself would find it difficult, if not totally unable, to achieve success. This is because before any step can be taken on the ladder of success, the person taking the step must have trust in his own abilities. Take for instance a technician who has been asked to repair a fault on a mast; the technician first has to believe that he could successfully climb up the mast without the fear of falling off from it. Should he entertain any such fear, he would not even make any attempt at climbing the mast, let alone repairing any fault on it - so it is with anybody who has a low self-esteem. Until you trust in yourself and your abilities, you might not be able to make much progress - it is that simple!
How then does one break off from the shackles of a low self-esteem?
First of all, anyone who is suffering from a low self-esteem must understand that it is a thing which can be dealt with. The problem was not there initially; it came along the way, and it must leave! Having said that, it must be stated that just as the causes of a low self-esteem differs from one person to another, its solution or treatment also differs. For some, they only need to build up their self-esteem by believing in themselves and in what they can do, while for others, it is not a thing that they can do on their own; they need the help of a professional in that field. Some might need to see a doctor.
For those who are worried about their physical appearance, all you have to do is to accept and like yourself for who you are. You must stop envying another person. You are special the way you are. Never allow yourself to be intimidated by someone else' looks; and believe me, if you can look deep within yourself, you will discover that there is something special in you which is not in that person you want to be like.
For those who need to consult an expert or a doctor, you must first accept that you need the help of someone else, therefore, do not hesitate to get that help. You might need to go through a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), while those who are heavily depressed might need the doctor to give some anti-depressant.
In the case of those whose self-worth has been decreased due to what another person said or did to you, here is what Harvey Fierstein said:
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."
You must remember that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, which does not count. What matters is the way you see yourself. See yourself as a success, not a failure.
I am sure you have learnt a thing or two from this post. Watch out for its concluding part in my next post. Till then, remember, doubt whom you will, but never yourself.
1. FEAR
According to the 7th edition of the Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, one of the meanings given to the noun "Fear" is the feeling that one has when something bad might happen.
It is that unpleasant feeling that a person develops in certain situations that leads to panic, fright, or just being afraid that something sinister might happen.
Many times in our various endeavours, we come to a point where we need to do a particular thing that will move us forward. It could be the desire to start a business, carry out a research, execute a project, apply for a job, sit for an examination, or even just make certain decisions in our daily lives; but then, a feeling grips us: "I don't want to do this, it's too risky. Oh! No, that path is too dangerous. No one has ever succeeded in doing it! I risk losing all my money! That course is too difficult, students hardly pass it. Etc."
Those are the kinds of statements we usually make when it comes to taking a step or making a decision that will propel us to a higher level. We tend to entertain negativity instead of staying positive,and this is usually as a result of fear which we have allowed in our mind.
Although the usual thoughts we would have when fear sets in can be said to come from the desire to stay safe, but the truth is that fear does not bring any safety. It only brings stagnation, retardation, shattering of dreams, and frustration. It limits our abilities and the greatness that is inside of us.
Now, let us go back to our definition of fear: "when something bad might happen." From this definition, it can be observed that the bad event has not yet happened, and it probably would NEVER happen. The word used in the definition is "might", which expresses possibility, but not CERTAINTY.
Also, there is this popular meaning given to the acronym F.E.A.R. It is said that FEAR means False Evidence Appearing Real. What can you pick out from that? It simply implies that fear is false! It is not true! It only appears to be real, it is not real! It is simply a psychological barrier on the way to success. Those bad things we usually fear might happen, in most cases never happen. Fear is just a feeling that arises from the mind and nothing more. Lucan said:
"Thus each person by his fears gives wing to rumour, and without any real source of apprehension, men fear what they themselves have imagined."
Although it is good to be cautious in whatever we do, we must not allow our CAUTION to turn to FEAR. We must learn to discern when that bad feeling of fear is about to overtake our mind, and give no room for it to dominate us.
However, in case you are the type who has already been gripped by fear, do not worry, you can break lose from its grip. You only need to remember that Fear is a false evidence that appears to be real. That which you are afraid of is actually not potent enough to stop you from moving forward only if you will stand up to confront it. Yes! Confront your fear. Rise up to do that which you have always been afraid to do. Take a bold step, take the second one, take the third, and move on without turning back. You are sure to see your fear disappear into thin air.
2. LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Another important factor to consider when talking about what causes you not to believe in yourself is low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is when a person begins to feel unhappy with himself, his abilities, characters, physical appearance, etc., and thereby does not place much value on himself. In other words, it is when there is a decreased sense of self-worth in a person.
I know that this is probably not the first time you are coming across a discussion on self-esteem, but you might probably be wondering: what really is the cause of a low self-esteem?
The causes of a low self-esteem differs from one person to another. For some, it could be the desire to be like others in one way or another. For example, when a person begins to complain about his or her height or size: "I'm just too short, I really wish I could be as tall as Dan"; or "Oh! I'm too fat, I need to lose some weight. I want to be slim like Lizzy". Such dissatisfaction in individuals could over time lead to a low self-esteem as they might feel intimidated or just unhappy anytime they see those people they want to be like.
In some other cases, a low self-esteem could be as a result of a past failure or what someone has said or done to the concerned individual in the past, which has now made such a person lose confidence in himself or his abilities. When such happens, it creates anxiety and fear in the mind of the person concerned anytime he attempts to do that same thing in which he initially failed. In the case of those whose self-esteem was brought low due to what someone said, they would usually find themselves remembering those words which were said by the person, and would not want to tread the same path again in order for somebody else not to say similar things to them.
However, there is a fact which must be noted: an individual who does not place personal value, self-respect, and self-worth on himself would find it difficult, if not totally unable, to achieve success. This is because before any step can be taken on the ladder of success, the person taking the step must have trust in his own abilities. Take for instance a technician who has been asked to repair a fault on a mast; the technician first has to believe that he could successfully climb up the mast without the fear of falling off from it. Should he entertain any such fear, he would not even make any attempt at climbing the mast, let alone repairing any fault on it - so it is with anybody who has a low self-esteem. Until you trust in yourself and your abilities, you might not be able to make much progress - it is that simple!
How then does one break off from the shackles of a low self-esteem?
First of all, anyone who is suffering from a low self-esteem must understand that it is a thing which can be dealt with. The problem was not there initially; it came along the way, and it must leave! Having said that, it must be stated that just as the causes of a low self-esteem differs from one person to another, its solution or treatment also differs. For some, they only need to build up their self-esteem by believing in themselves and in what they can do, while for others, it is not a thing that they can do on their own; they need the help of a professional in that field. Some might need to see a doctor.
For those who are worried about their physical appearance, all you have to do is to accept and like yourself for who you are. You must stop envying another person. You are special the way you are. Never allow yourself to be intimidated by someone else' looks; and believe me, if you can look deep within yourself, you will discover that there is something special in you which is not in that person you want to be like.
For those who need to consult an expert or a doctor, you must first accept that you need the help of someone else, therefore, do not hesitate to get that help. You might need to go through a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), while those who are heavily depressed might need the doctor to give some anti-depressant.
In the case of those whose self-worth has been decreased due to what another person said or did to you, here is what Harvey Fierstein said:
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."
You must remember that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, which does not count. What matters is the way you see yourself. See yourself as a success, not a failure.
I am sure you have learnt a thing or two from this post. Watch out for its concluding part in my next post. Till then, remember, doubt whom you will, but never yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment